VIDEO BLOG: Connection and Relationship

Connection is the point of contact in a relationship.

A connection, or point of contact, in a relationship can take many forms. It might be your voice in my ear, my words before you on screen, or a simple pat on the back from a loved one just when you need it the most. Compelling speeches, amusing emails, and irritating phone calls are all forms of connection; contact between you and someone who has – or wants to have – a relationship with you.

Secret Handshake

One way you might think about the difference between a connection and a relationship is to picture it like network mappers do. In a typical network graph you’ll see lots of dots (or “nodes”), and these dots will be connected to each other by lots of lines. The lines represent the relationships between the dots, that is to say, the relationship between the things or people in the network. So, for example, in Figure 1. below you’ll see a line connecting person “A” and person “B.” That line is their relationship.

By. Donnie Ray C. Baquilod

Not all connections lead to relationships.

It takes two to tango and two for a relationship. Not every attempt to connect results in a relationship – just ask any telemarketer who makes cold calls for a living. You can connect with someone without them necessarily wanting it, but it’s hard to do that with a relationship. I might be able to get you to pick up the phone, answer the door or open my email but I can’t force you to have a relationship with me. In fact, there’s a word for having a relationship with someone who doesn’t have one with you; it’s called stalking.

Connections can dead-end and fail to blossom into relationships for a number of reasons. One of the main flame retardants to kindling a relationship happens early on when connections are still transactional and one party simply isn’t providing much value in the exchange. Send me a bunch of boring email newsletters full of stuff I don’t care about and I’ll cut you off by clicking the “unsubscribe link.” When I dominate the conversation so you don’t feel heard or important, you probably won’t be seeking me out at the next get-together.

Turning connections into relationships is an essential part of “engagement” and we’ll be covering that (a lot) in future posts. In the end, what it really comes down to is practicing much of what we’ve been taught since we were kids. Engagement and building relationships are about “meeting people halfway” – and that’s exactly what Figure 2 shows as well. Both sides have to reach out in order to meet each other. It’s a given-and-get world and the sooner we center ourselves in this relating, the happier and more effective we are – both as individuals and as organizations.